Monday, November 21, 2016

Journal 2016 #001


Maladaptive daydreaming

Being able to fantasize is an experience that is out of the world. We create another world in our fantasy and live there like we own them! A sweet escape for a very stressfull reality life we had. Started since i was a child because i have nothing else to do.. extreme boredness.. then i thought that it is nothing wrong with it too.. However, i found out that in the end of the dream..the dream ends with very similar ending, either breaking up with the person, a marriage that goes nowhere, or even death! Im stuck in a loop where the dream is no longer helping me to be able to be creative, yet destructive to me. It is hard to fall asleep without the fantasy, it is harder to get up and do what i need to do daily, like getting a shower, go lunch or dinner and even mentally restrining myself from communicating with others because of the fear of rejection, which i always have in those dreams...

This my friend is maladaptive daydreaming.. 

Its been two weeks since i quit md, and yes i feel the emptiness that ive never felt before.. i feel lethargic my mind dont wander and working like it used to.. we need watching tv and listening to music just keep triggering my mood to go back to md..maybe im going mad?

But on the other side.. i feel that i can get a better sleep at night.. i started writing journals that i never able to do so since how many years ago.. ive picked up the hobby of playing online games.. instead of playing offline games because i need interaction with the other players, and give me no space to be alone and start md again.. 

I shall stop here now because that is all that i can think of right now.. hopefully this addiction can be completely gone in time.. goodnight