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Monday, November 21, 2016

Journal 2016 #001

#1

Maladaptive daydreaming

Being able to fantasize is an experience that is out of the world. We create another world in our fantasy and live there like we own them! A sweet escape for a very stressfull reality life we had. Started since i was a child because i have nothing else to do.. extreme boredness.. then i thought that it is nothing wrong with it too.. However, i found out that in the end of the dream..the dream ends with very similar ending, either breaking up with the person, a marriage that goes nowhere, or even death! Im stuck in a loop where the dream is no longer helping me to be able to be creative, yet destructive to me. It is hard to fall asleep without the fantasy, it is harder to get up and do what i need to do daily, like getting a shower, go lunch or dinner and even mentally restrining myself from communicating with others because of the fear of rejection, which i always have in those dreams...

This my friend is maladaptive daydreaming.. 

Its been two weeks since i quit md, and yes i feel the emptiness that ive never felt before.. i feel lethargic my mind dont wander and working like it used to.. we need watching tv and listening to music just keep triggering my mood to go back to md..maybe im going mad?

But on the other side.. i feel that i can get a better sleep at night.. i started writing journals that i never able to do so since how many years ago.. ive picked up the hobby of playing online games.. instead of playing offline games because i need interaction with the other players, and give me no space to be alone and start md again.. 

I shall stop here now because that is all that i can think of right now.. hopefully this addiction can be completely gone in time.. goodnight 

Monday, February 17, 2014

#364

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Dear readers,
Dah dua bulan blog ini terbiar, jadi saya sajikan sekeping entry blog untuk tatapan umum. Banyak yang dah berlaku bila mula semester baru, tahun baru, azam baru dll yang baru. Berat pon dah berkurang dan blood pressure pon dah di tahap normal (yes,lepaih ni boleh dah donate darah!)

Tak banyak yang boleh dibangga kan pada masa ni sebab baru 2bulan punya usaha. Cuma saya banyak syukur sebab apa yng saya buat taklah sia-sia terus. Mula sekali, masa awal-awal nak ikut gaya hidup sihat macam sekarang sebab rasa tekanan pada bahagian kira dada saya. Dah rasa macam simptom sakit jantung. (Yala, dah lah obese, smoking sikit2, hbp pulak..)

Sakit tu macam ada rasa tarik dekat dgn dada kiri. So, teruslah saya pakai baju sukan yang ada dengan seluar trek dari siri BIG semester satu dulu, jogging dekat Tasik Putra ,Kulim. Awal-awal perit bai, muscle sore,letih ada rasa nak pitam pon ada. Saya tahan sampai lah tamat cuti semester yang lepas.

Mula semester baru,1/1/14 saya ikut kawan saya yang giat dengan gim untuk buat fitness dgn lebih detail lagi. Alhamdulillah sampai sekarang tak hilang lagi semangat dari tahun lepas. Matlamat saya senang, fitness. Nak body sado ketak-ketak tu lain cerita. Bila dah fit nanti ni, penyakit pon kurang, letih kurang, makan kurang, tidur ja lebih hehe.

Setiap kali saya rasa macam mau give up, saya ingat ayat-ayat ni. "Everytime u wang to give up,remember why you started"

Terima kasih sebab dah baca sampai sinj. Dah malam ni typo berteraburan. Selamat malam.


Tuesday, December 31, 2013

#363

Assalamualaikum wbt

Dear readers,
Tak tau mood apa yg datang malam2 cenggini sampai boleh nak karang blog. Tapi rasanya mcam nak share sesuatu dengan readers, something yg tak semua yg tahu dan untuk sesetengah orang xmau ambil tahu.

Teori: Setiap individu berubah setiap 5 tahun. Betul ke bohong?

Baru2 ni, saya ada jmpa dengan kawan dari sekolah menengah. Tak tipu la, daripada buddies dulu sekarang dah macam stranger. One in the science course another in language. Tak bnyak yang sama nak buat sembang hnya mampu imbau kembali kenangan masa kat sekolah dulu mcm na.Kadang2 memori yg kita imbau tu, yang lawak untuk kita tapi tak lawak utk org lain.

Proceed.

Apa yg merunsingkan saya cuma, macam mana hubungan boleh jadi sangat jauh beza dalam masa 5 tahun? Pernah tengok cita The Vow? Macam mana dalam 5 tahun heroin tu boleh.. jumpa suami dia(channing tatum) dan berubah cara makan, cara hidp dia sampai tera tu.

In the end of story, everything happens 4 a reason. Macam mana kita hidup tak sama dengan org lain. Hubungan yg ada sekarang pon xsemestinya kekal sampai bertahun2 ( except if you are too awesome kan.) Jarak juga boleh mengubah seseorang, btemu dengan kawan2 baru masaalah baru..dan itu yg dipanggil a start of a new life.(bukan herbalife..kiki)

In the end though, its an art of life to let go. New things to come, new challenges to handle and more of it are coming every single year...

Dari sinila kita kena blajar, how to appreciate what we have before appreating something we had. A relationship, a friendship, a piece of jwelery or a valueable thing.

Happy new year. Have a great year 2014. May Allah bestow blessings upon us. Amin.

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